I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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