i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
