Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
