we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
