I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
