I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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