don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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