9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
