I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
