porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
