What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
