Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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