Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
