I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
