Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
