areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
