haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
