Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
