The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
