I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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