I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
