does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
