oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
