I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
