so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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