Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
