No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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