M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
