is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They took my balls.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
