After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
