I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Even my vagina gasped.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
