it was like eating out sand paper
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
