your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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