We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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