he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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