Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize