Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i drank out of a bidet.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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