if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
