ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
