So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
