I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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