Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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