i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize