found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
