and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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