I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize