Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
