Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I am available for nakedness
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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