I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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