You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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