I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
