How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
