I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
