I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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