Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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