I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
