Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize