I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
