I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
