Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
