My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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