you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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