On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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