mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
